coffee stains on the counter, sunlight in my eyes, i’ve moved to another city.
Im sorry I haven’t written, my house has been in boxes and my space has been cluttered, which makes for a cluttered mind, which makes for not very good writing.
but I feel ive stretched my toes and my space to fit the new place and i’m ready to make some noise again.
adjusting to a new place is hard, especially if you’re not neurotypical. i’ve been in Victoria, BC for just a few days and i’ve experienced episodes like you wouldn’t believe. mostly built around the fact that everyone is established here and everyone seems so ‘cool’ and I just have no idea what im doing. I feel like im lost in a world where everybody else has a map and I cant read. its beautiful and adventurous and a little dangerous and I mostly like it but sometimes it gets the best of me. and I guess thats what moving with BPD looks like.
I find myself talking to myself a lot more, maybe because I feel as though I can speak here and not be stifled, or maybe just because I feel I have more to say and no one to say it to. either way, the increase is disturbingly noticeable. I think these are all things that will subside as I get to know who I am in a new city and handle the fact that who I am may not be who ive been.
I’m excited to document my new life here, I feel… more. I take more pictures, write more things down, talk more, laugh more, cry more. everything is more.
so I guess what im saying is welcome to phase two of stillill, a little less ill. a little more still. but at the same time altogether not. lets see where this path takes us.