hey its been a while yeah whats up
I remembered. I remembered for a second what it was like to be me two years ago. living with rachelle, watching bill wurtz videos and weird adult swim live streams that no one could relate to, it was the only time I ever felt like an outcast and I reveled in it. I remember walking around in pant suits and catching a glimpse of myself in a circle k window wondering when the fuck did I become so grown up? if only I knew what id be looking like in two more years. I work, I sleep, I work, now. no livestreams, no bill wurtz, no irony. I dont remember what the coffee tastes like because I drink it so fast, on my way to work
can this be my pause button? can I pause growing up for a second?
I wanna get back to the irony and the music and the enjoyment. I wanna get back to the writing and the creativity and the time for myself. I wanna get back to being my own person, not just some work monkey. because I promise ill look back in two more years and think about how I wasnt even close to being a grownup. my life will be even more boring. which is far too depressing a thought to think right now and makes me want to pause even more, a perfect balance between dread for the future and need to preserve the present, thats the sweet spot im sitting at right now. these are the songs that pull me out of the ‘adult’ phase of my life.